Balance

I have the chili in the crock pot and just put the kids down for an afternoon nap. It's pretty quiet right now. I'm sitting here just thinking, reflecting and enjoying this moment. It's a bit of a relief. Saying goodbye to 2009. I sense a collective sigh around me from pretty much everyone I know to be closing out this tumultuous year. I am hopeful for a shift in the positive direction and am recognizing a feeling in my spirit that has been gone for a while-- Excitement. Hope. Peace. I'm pretty sure it's one of those or a combination of the three.

Having a new, fresh start.

The last couple weeks have been strange. The time away from the hustle and bustle of working non-stop has made me feel again. I think I had become a little numb to "feeling my feelings" whatever they were at that moment. I was in the whole "get through it, move on, feel later" mode. Being told by your attorney that you HAVE to stay home and not work for a month and a half was like someone putting on the emergency break while zipping down the highway at 80 miles an hour. Say WHAAAAT? I sensed a bit of panic in myself as I thought about my days, the finances, and just about everything else that makes one freak out when they're told that their dual income household must be cut in half starting immediately. But we did it. And I think I'm better for it.

A little secret.

I'm a little scared of what it will be like going back to work. I feel good right now and I'm worried that I'll get out of whack again. Now, don't get me wrong, I miss having an outside job (you know, adult conversation, coffee while brainstorming on an exciting project, etc), as I've also learned that I'm not the hottest at being a stay at home mom. I try to be creative, but the truth is I'm as creative as the directions on the play dough box help me to be. I'm just not that great at thinking of forts or painting dishwasher boxes into a pirate ship. We read, we laugh, we play Mickey Mouse card games, and for right now, that's probably enough for the boys. So I do have a sense that while this time was wonderful (especially since it was in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas) that it will be okay that it's coming to an end. I guess I'm just hoping to keep it all balanced. Something I've never been that great at accomplishing. Ok. I just changed the title of this entry. That's what I feel. That's the combination of those three words for me--excitement, hope, peace = balance. And tonight when we toast our Mug root beer to the New Year, that's what I'll be hoping for.

Basic Economics

Just popped outside and asked the boys what they were up to...and they said with gusto "Selling Pizza, Mom. Want some?" My entrepreneurial heart swelled with pride as I heartily said "yes, please." Logan informed me that the pizza was Five Dollars. (a fair profit margin for hand-made love on a plate) I handed him the "money" (a couple of crusty rocks) and he handed me back a big slice of "cheese pizza" (a couple of crusty rocks). They then informed me that the dogs also wanted some pizza, but that they were making a mess and proceeded to show me all the pizza on the ground. (about 50 crusty rocks) I told them that the dogs clearly don't understand the value of a dollar. They both looked at me, gave me a blank stare, then went back to yelling "PEEEEEE-TZA for Sale" at the top of their lungs. Ahhhhh....capitalism at its best.

Santa's Little Helper

This is the most pathetic face, isn't it? Look at that mush...perfectly boxery in every way. This is Shay Shay, now called "JayJay" as Logan said that Shay Shay is too girlie for this masculine boy. So JayJay it is. This guy came to the rescue in BAAAd shape. When I say bad...I mean the kind of bad you don't wish on anyone. Sigh...ok I told myself I absolutely WOULD NOT post this pic (i'll post it small so you don't fall out of your chair), but I have to so you can REALLY grasp what the scoop is on this sweetie and what Boxer Luv did to help him. He had a...well...um...a problem with his...anus. He had a prolapsed rectum. Trent saw this poor boy, with the sweetest disposition, and couldn't turn him away. Two surgeries later, one to fix said hole and one to remove his manliness, and we're good to go. Except he needs to chow on some GROCERIES, skinny boy! Hence, his trip to casa Rogers. We can get anyone to from thin to chunk in record time! ;)

Thanksgiving at Christmas

On nights like tonight, when everyone is cozy in their bed...including my dogs on my side of the bed (ah hem) I feel a particular itch. An itch to get something out that's particularly on my mind. And tonight, as I went into Logan's room and flipped the blanket over his police officer-clad body, and walked past my door to hear Dan's low, deep breathing, and peeked in to see my baby Kale snuggled into his blankie and Mister Moose (say it Mith-ter Mooooth) I feel such a deep feeling of gratefulness that I have to get it out.

I am thinking about the last year. I'm remembering how in April I wondered about today. About the week before Christmas. I knew that because of my work situation that we would probably not be in this house and wondered if the decorations would look okay on the new rental and if we would have money to get the kids something worth saying it was from Santa. I thought about what Christmas would be like in a place that wasn't ours, but told myself that whatever happened, we were a family and we would be okay. And then I turned around and it's here. Today is a week from Christmas and everyone is in their beds, peaceful, content, and loved. And I am so very thankful. I feel like somewhere along the way I lost some faith. I read blogs and notes and would see the faith and hope that others had and would feel jealous and wish I could really believe. How is it that when I have been so faithless that I've still been cared for? I still feel lost, but I know this: I am thankful for everything and I am taking a breath and passing along this prayer of thanks to the One who made it miraculously happen.

Lucky number 5

We have two additions to our family this week. Meet Casper & Porky. Soon to be named Bruiser or Maxx or Murphey or Chance or some other names as the given ones are strange and not nearly as cute as these mush faces are.

It's especially exciting for Dan & I as it's been a while since we've had some fosters in our home. About 2 years to be exact. Now that our own little bruiser (kale) is getting bigger, we feel like we can begin this adventure of rehabilitating these cuties and finding them homes, once again. And it's rewarding. Oh so rewarding...So stay tuned...more to come!

The Season

So I am thinking this is the season for change! So much has changed recently. The biggest one is that we have closed the store, which although it has been a change for everyone, has been poignantly profound for me. I guess thinking about where my life was headed and picturing myself in that role for years and now having that chapter slam shut is, well, hard to handle. Am I still the same person? Yes. And No. Does changing your goals or aspirations change who you are? Yes. And No. Does it mean I was wrong in making that goal? Yes? No? I don't know...I'm a little lost on all of this if you can't tell. Then I'm thinking does any of that matter?

Right now I know the following: I love my husband who has been a solid, supportive, sweetheart of a man to me through all of this. I adore my two boys who have had me laughing every day the last 4 years. I am rich in all of the support I have from my amazing mom, sister & dad. I still have a passion for Boxer Luv, and I thought maybe I had started to lose some of it. I have wonderful friends who will brave the chill and come cheer for me on a journey I didn't think I could do. I have learned that having a day of "nothing to do" is not only OKAY to have once in a while, but is necessary. I realized that deep in my heart I love having a cup of home brewed coffee in the morning--it just feels RIGHT. I recognized that I love to write and feel a longing for it when I haven't done it for a while. So I'm going to try to be better and do it more often.

Change....not such a bad thing, I guess.

In definite need of a...

I realized that my whiny post had been up long enough so I thought I'd do a bright and cheery little update. The most wonderful thing just happened. I was desperately craving a drink, went to the fridge, only to find one hidden in the back barely peeking around Dan's soy milk and after-workout-drink. Well helllllooooooooooo there. And a little bit of cheer just bit me on the butt. I had lunch with a friend today and she reminded me, while talking about herself as she is too classy to actually SAY "CHRISTINE LISTEN", that appreciating and being happy for just the simplest of things is a little sort of accomplishment itself. So that is my little motto. In that same blast of cheer, I looked in the freezer and found one last frozen pizza. Wow. Normally, I would chastize myself as it is clearly after 9PM and you are never to drink a carbonated beverage and eat a frozen pizza (at any time really) but especially after dinner time----GASP! But I did. And I again, felt a bit of cheer.

So


cheers. ;)

Those "other" days...

Some days are better than others. I think this week has consisted of "others". The store has been...well...other than fab, the whole "house" thing has been other than reassuring, and I need to have the strange mass in my neck removed next Thursday, which is other than comforting. I mean, the whole having your-neck-sliced-open-thing is just, well, YUK. I know in my previous post I was talking about how things could be worse and how I need to be thankful for what IS going on. But today I feel other than thankful. And I know I'm probably going to hell for being honest and saying it, but it's true. So I'm gonna just sit here for a few more minutes and think about going to bed to start anOTHER day. Here's to hoping for better.

Pain in the....toe

Most of you who know me, have heard that I had an accident on vacation that caused me to ruin my big toe's nail. It was too much pressure and giving me so much pain, so the other day I removed it myself. I'm happy to report that a couple days later, I'm sitting here having my morning shake able to say with complete joy that it is no longer hurting!

All this has me thinking...I do not do well with pain. I mean, I know most of us would say that, but I'm completely beside myself in my agony and irritated that I have to deal with the momentary discomfort. I was feeling like this when I read one of the blogs I keep tabs on--the nie nie dialogues. If you don't know about it, you should and you should read it. Stephanie Nielson (hence Nie Nie) and her hubby were in a plane crash last year and she was burned on most of her body. Every day she is trying to make a recovery dealing with chronic pain as they do skin grafts on her neck, face, pretty much everywhere. And this particular day when I was irritated about my toe, she had just had a skin graft taking her thigh skin and putting it on her neck so she could rotate her neck more. Yeowch. I'm thinking of that type of pain and cringing. But she is happy to watch her girls sun themselves on the trampoline or giggles when the youngest poops on the door mat outside and she lives through their laughter and I realized....I'm a complete idiot. I have so much to be thankful for and need to focus on that rather than my momentary discomfort...whatever it may be at the time.

Summer Vacation 09

SAN DIEGO 2009

We had the opportunity to head over to Mission Beach in San Diego for five days last week with Dan's family for a reunion. It was hectic and crazy with two young boys and a thousand tons of beach gear and a house big enough for the boys to get lost in! We went to the zoo first, then to the beach for days of fun!


Dan and Kale at the zoo!



Logan telling Dan and I to LOOOK at the MONKEYS in the glass. The mama monkey came right over to Logan and showed him her baby! So exciting!


The boys looking at a HUGE warthog! They couldn't believe his little wiggly tail! It was hairy and strange and on of their favorites for SURE!









Logan helping make a HUGE sandcastle that Kale then tried to knock over. It was like that the whole time and Logan never even got upset!








Dan chasing Kale on one of his many romps around the beach. He would just take off walking--would attempt to take juice boxes from little girls and would try to steal balls from the other toddlers. We took turns plodding away after him to minimize the damage.












Rogers Family Photo

Happy Easter!

EASTER 2009

Easter was a BLAST this year with the boys...Family time in the park with lots of eggs to find, delicious FOOD to enjoy, and smooches all around.

Logan checking out the Egg Situation.






Dan's brother Scott, Dan's Dad, Dan and Kale---AKA the men in black.

Kale attempting to throw eggs onto the ground to see what's inside them--and Dan scrambling to save the contents!

The Boys with Uncle Josh and Papa Larry on the
swings!!

Kale giving me his version of a kiss....

I am Esme...

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Dancers

Oh how we love Jesse McCartney at Casa Rogers. We have two very good dancers here and between "Leavin'" and "Single Ladies" by Beyonce, we get to hear and see the amazing talents of our boys many many MANY times a day.

Super Heros

Super Heros

So it may be obvious that the boys are into super heros. They come in all shapes and sizes and one day we may be Superman, the next Spiderman, Batman, Hulk, Ironman, and who knows what else! Although Logan's only seen snippets of most of these, he aspires to be an defender of the weak and an avenger of the cruel--unless of course you are Kale trying to take his super hero mask or goggles...then it's all over!

Here are some of my favorite pics of my little heros.

Superman Logan showing how BIG he is.Super and Spiderman taking a moment to catch their breath before proceeding to save the world.
Kale's ready for anything in his SUPER goggles!
I was told that Mr. Bear was LEX LUTHER so they had to "get him" on the stairs.

Logan's Birthday

Logan's 3rd Birthday was a fun day at the park as we're still lucky enough to have him WANT to be outside just running around like crazy. Here is the favorite gift of the day. My little bat boy taking a long swig of his juice box after a long run to the swing set and back!



Kale and me pausing for a split second hug before he took off to try to chase bat boy.

And JUST so you all know, Kale is now referred to as "robin" or "bat baby" by Logan.


I think I put too much work into Birthday Cakes--I really do go to all the trouble of finding the perfect recipe and both Logan and Kale were so unimpressed with both of them. Sigh... Here's my big 3 yr old blowing out his strawberry birthday cake!

Bat Boy and his biggest fans.